I apologize if anyone has come here for legitimate resources or help on what to do for a Whole 30. Sorry, I'm here to do what the kids call "keeping it real."
Day two and I already couldn't stay off the scale. Apparently the Whole 30 gods say it's a huge no no to weigh yourself because it isn't about weightloss, the cleanse is to detoxify your body from the massive shitstorm of crap you've eaten all of your life. You are probably thinking, "Jesus Christ, this person can't even go a day without weighing themselves. How the fuck are they going to not going to hit up Hyvee for a delicious pistachio muffin?!"
Just you wait my friends, I have 28 more days of this roller coaster and you are going to ride this double looped monster with me.
I think most of us have struggled with not eating terribly. Unless maybe you are one of those kids who lives in the woods in that Woody Harrilson movie. Apparently they live off the land and refer to soda as poison water. We can't all have weed smoking hippie, Woody to guide us through how to forage. Wait, did you just watch that movie while shoveling a bucket full of salt and buttery filled popcorn down your gullet? So meta.
Also, it's only day two and I am getting real descriptive with the foods here. Region it in!
Okay, so today I woke up feeling pretty good. Hence the weighing myself. Yes, I am down a few pounds. Go me! I hear that eventually stops being a thing.
I went into work and even with the evil temptations of mini candy bars, salted peanuts, and cheddar crackers I was able to hold it together. I actually spent most of my time in the service area, hiding from those items and ignoring their existence.
I ate my lunch at work and after work I did a twenty mile bike ride with my cycling club. I actually felt pretty good on the ride. I felt like I could keep at the front of the pack even though I was on my heavy commuter bike. I also felt like I could breathe better, but maybe that's because the pollen count isn't as high due to the rains. Either way, I was enjoying it.
I skipped out on dinner out with the club because I am so early into this. I also didn't want to be that asshole who has to change a dish on the menu so much that the server shoots me dead with dagger eyes. I simply picked up a couple of small coconut waters and used them as my electrolyte replacements.
One aspect I didn't consider going into this is that my usual on ride hydration/replenishes are not allowed. They aren't "approved" due to the sweeteners in them.
When I got home I did feel especially out of juice. Probably because I am used to carbing up before rides. Usually on Tuesdays I hit up a local favorite restaurant of mine and get an Asian chicken and rice dish with some tasty, saucy veggies as a side.
I came home and wanted to eat pretty much everything in site, but I didn't. I ate until I felt just full enough to not be a hangry asshole. As I am writing this I do kind of wish I could have even just a small bit of rice or bread to give me that more satisfied full feeling.
I fully plan on eating potatoes tomorrow and I am pretty jazzed about it. I honestly never thought I would be that into eating potatoes. There's an inside joke, actual two inside jokes my friends and I have about potatoes. Both stemmed from very drunken nights in college. Only one occurred inside a KFC/Taco Bell, but I digress.
I'm tired and frankly sick of typing, so here is what I ate today:
Breakfast= Two egg omelet with wilted chard, two pieces of turkey bacon, a banana, and cold brew coffee.
Lunch=Turkey chili, kale salad with loads of veggies plus approved ranch dressing with vinegar, and a sparkling water
Dinner= Prosciutto egg cups-two, coconut water, banana, grapes, and a variety of approved snacks in a small bowl for portioning. The snacks included salted coconut chips, beef Jerkey, and pili nuts. I am seriously loving the pili nuts. They are like the macadamia nut's fattier, more delicious cousin. The ones we have are also spicy, so I am basically in heaven when I eat them. I must purchase a pallet of them...immediately!
#walnuts
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Whole 30 Day 1
I feel strangely optimistic. Is it the kombucha talking or has the lack of cheese and bread tricked my body into an unknown psychotic frenzy?
Trust me, I'm not one of those Instagram Fitness Gurus who posts pictures of themselves posing in a headstand on top of a clif with a sunrise backdrop with #namaste or some other bullshit tag that makes affluent white people look like assholes.
I'm a 30 year old who lives in the Midwest. I loosely can call myself a cyclist because I ride at least once a week. I work in a bike shop, so naturally I spend more time talking about bikes than actually riding them. I haven't worked out regularly in about a year and up until a couple of months ago, I kind of stopped giving a shit about what I ate because it's just easier to eat whatever is in front of you when your life is chaotic. Also, I'm just lazy.
Anyway...the Whole 30 was my partner's idea. Usually when she talks about diets, working out, or anything remotely resembling a change in lifestyle- I find it hard to take her seriously. Over the past few months she has been asking me if I was interested in doing this Whole 30 thing, showing me recipes, blogs, websites, and books. "Yeah, yeah I'll do it. Whatever, I'm trying to listen to this podcast." The thought was shoved to the back of my mind and I didn't take what she was saying to heart...that is until a box of Whole 30 Approved snacks, cooking oils, animal fats, and seasonings arrived at our door. "Oh shit." I thought. "This is real!"
I reluctlantly agreed to join her on this sick science experiment mostly because it's easier to join her rather than argue and be the unsupportive partner. I also a) am tired all the time and b)want to see what foods could be causing me to feel like shit.
For those of you not educated on what the fuck a Whole 30 is...what, like you eat thirty of something a day? No, it's not that. Nor is it a way to lose thirty pounds, although at the rate that I was going, I wouldn't be surprised if I did.
The Whole 30 is I guess a "diet". I don't like to call it that because the word DIET is like worse than a four letter word to me, because I like to say four letter words FUCK, SHIT. They bring me pleasure because I was once a dirty sailor in a past life. (Reincarnation style, not literally as in we view different time frames in our lives as another lifetime. Trippy, I know!)
I would rather view the Whole 30 as the way humans ate before industrial farming fucked everybody up. There's so much Monstanto soybean and corn product in everything, it's hard to not to be fat and tired all of the time.
Whole 30 is based upon eating proteins without added sugars or other fillers. Along with that you can eat pretty much all the veggies you want and some fruit. No carbs, no dairy, no legumes, no booze, and no sugar (other than naturally occurring in fruit) are allowed. You also have to keep an eye on things like condiments because there is all sorts of weird shit in there. No longer am I able to use my beloved chili-lime seasoning or Southern garlic hot sauce because there are rice by-products in them. What the hell is rice doing in my seasoning?!
I was a bit surprised by the lack of approval for ancient grains, but I guess that whole eliminating gluten thing is pretty important. Whole 30 is essentially elimination of popular food triggers for 30 days, to which you then SLOWLY introduce such things as dairy, gluten, and sugar back into your diet to see how your body responds.
My initial reaction to the idea of participating in such a things was, " This is the stupidest thing ever. I can't even use my fancy organic salad dressing because it has a tiny bit of natural maple syrup as a sweetener?! This is stupid hippie non-sense."
I was equating it to the many a terrible fad diet of the past. Remember how Atkins told everyone to eat steak and bacon, then people started getting heart disease? That was really smart, wasn't it? The thing about Whole 30 is that it's not actually centered around weight loss, which makes me feel like it's a much more legitimate way to live your life...at least for 30 days. I suppose some people will use it as a vehicle to shed a few pounds. That is until day 12 when they want chocolate so bad they they punch a baby in the face for it! What? Am I predicting the future?! Watch out new moms, in about two weeks I will be punching your babies in the name of a Dove bar! (Wait,why do they make both chocolate and women's deodorant? #conspiracytheory)
In all honesty I hope I don't succumb to chocolate rage. I will eat my sugar in fruit form and I will like it damnit!
Overall I feel like the best way to approach the "diet" is to not focus on the things I could easily stuff my pie hole with and really focus on putting things in that we as humans are built to eat by nature. If folks stick to that thought process they are less likely to fail at the Whole 30 and not have the whole sugar rage baby punching and so on.
Knowing I only had a couple of weeks to really prepare myself, I did a pretty good job of slowly weening myself off of dairy, carbs, and sweets. With the exception of some pretty epic pizza and beer I had on Sunday. Beer is probably the most difficult thing I will be giving up for the 30 days, but I plan on fully diving into kombucha madness. Actually, I'm pretty sure drinking scoby juice is what caused me to start writing this out.
Anyway, I survived Day 1. For anyone who gives a shit, here is what I ate:
Breakfast= One egg over easy, one slice of "approved" turkey bacon, cold brew nitro coffee
Snack= Banana
Lunch= Turkey brat and roasted brussell sprouts
Snack= Grapes
Dinner= Buffalo chili with guac and sparkling water
Snack= Kombucha and veggies with approved ranch style dressing mixed with vinegar
#namaste
Trust me, I'm not one of those Instagram Fitness Gurus who posts pictures of themselves posing in a headstand on top of a clif with a sunrise backdrop with #namaste or some other bullshit tag that makes affluent white people look like assholes.
I'm a 30 year old who lives in the Midwest. I loosely can call myself a cyclist because I ride at least once a week. I work in a bike shop, so naturally I spend more time talking about bikes than actually riding them. I haven't worked out regularly in about a year and up until a couple of months ago, I kind of stopped giving a shit about what I ate because it's just easier to eat whatever is in front of you when your life is chaotic. Also, I'm just lazy.
Anyway...the Whole 30 was my partner's idea. Usually when she talks about diets, working out, or anything remotely resembling a change in lifestyle- I find it hard to take her seriously. Over the past few months she has been asking me if I was interested in doing this Whole 30 thing, showing me recipes, blogs, websites, and books. "Yeah, yeah I'll do it. Whatever, I'm trying to listen to this podcast." The thought was shoved to the back of my mind and I didn't take what she was saying to heart...that is until a box of Whole 30 Approved snacks, cooking oils, animal fats, and seasonings arrived at our door. "Oh shit." I thought. "This is real!"
I reluctlantly agreed to join her on this sick science experiment mostly because it's easier to join her rather than argue and be the unsupportive partner. I also a) am tired all the time and b)want to see what foods could be causing me to feel like shit.
For those of you not educated on what the fuck a Whole 30 is...what, like you eat thirty of something a day? No, it's not that. Nor is it a way to lose thirty pounds, although at the rate that I was going, I wouldn't be surprised if I did.
The Whole 30 is I guess a "diet". I don't like to call it that because the word DIET is like worse than a four letter word to me, because I like to say four letter words FUCK, SHIT. They bring me pleasure because I was once a dirty sailor in a past life. (Reincarnation style, not literally as in we view different time frames in our lives as another lifetime. Trippy, I know!)
I would rather view the Whole 30 as the way humans ate before industrial farming fucked everybody up. There's so much Monstanto soybean and corn product in everything, it's hard to not to be fat and tired all of the time.
Whole 30 is based upon eating proteins without added sugars or other fillers. Along with that you can eat pretty much all the veggies you want and some fruit. No carbs, no dairy, no legumes, no booze, and no sugar (other than naturally occurring in fruit) are allowed. You also have to keep an eye on things like condiments because there is all sorts of weird shit in there. No longer am I able to use my beloved chili-lime seasoning or Southern garlic hot sauce because there are rice by-products in them. What the hell is rice doing in my seasoning?!
I was a bit surprised by the lack of approval for ancient grains, but I guess that whole eliminating gluten thing is pretty important. Whole 30 is essentially elimination of popular food triggers for 30 days, to which you then SLOWLY introduce such things as dairy, gluten, and sugar back into your diet to see how your body responds.
My initial reaction to the idea of participating in such a things was, " This is the stupidest thing ever. I can't even use my fancy organic salad dressing because it has a tiny bit of natural maple syrup as a sweetener?! This is stupid hippie non-sense."
I was equating it to the many a terrible fad diet of the past. Remember how Atkins told everyone to eat steak and bacon, then people started getting heart disease? That was really smart, wasn't it? The thing about Whole 30 is that it's not actually centered around weight loss, which makes me feel like it's a much more legitimate way to live your life...at least for 30 days. I suppose some people will use it as a vehicle to shed a few pounds. That is until day 12 when they want chocolate so bad they they punch a baby in the face for it! What? Am I predicting the future?! Watch out new moms, in about two weeks I will be punching your babies in the name of a Dove bar! (Wait,why do they make both chocolate and women's deodorant? #conspiracytheory)
In all honesty I hope I don't succumb to chocolate rage. I will eat my sugar in fruit form and I will like it damnit!
Overall I feel like the best way to approach the "diet" is to not focus on the things I could easily stuff my pie hole with and really focus on putting things in that we as humans are built to eat by nature. If folks stick to that thought process they are less likely to fail at the Whole 30 and not have the whole sugar rage baby punching and so on.
Knowing I only had a couple of weeks to really prepare myself, I did a pretty good job of slowly weening myself off of dairy, carbs, and sweets. With the exception of some pretty epic pizza and beer I had on Sunday. Beer is probably the most difficult thing I will be giving up for the 30 days, but I plan on fully diving into kombucha madness. Actually, I'm pretty sure drinking scoby juice is what caused me to start writing this out.
Anyway, I survived Day 1. For anyone who gives a shit, here is what I ate:
Breakfast= One egg over easy, one slice of "approved" turkey bacon, cold brew nitro coffee
Snack= Banana
Lunch= Turkey brat and roasted brussell sprouts
Snack= Grapes
Dinner= Buffalo chili with guac and sparkling water
Snack= Kombucha and veggies with approved ranch style dressing mixed with vinegar
#namaste
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